Instinct vs Intent: Can we truly change?

autumn, self-sabotage and an animal fable

I have been enjoying the slow ease into autumn this year, slowly closing the curtains on summer. It’s nice to be able to get cosy, use the cold weather as an excuse and fixate on Matcha Oat milk lattes. (Controversial I know, but I think they’re so delicious!)

I tend to do a lot of thinking and reflection during the slow autumnal months; I don’t know if it’s because I end up staying inside more, therefore staring at my bedroom wall and listening to Adrianne Lenker.

I also try to resist the urge to rewatch Gilmore Girls for the 100th time. As I’ve grown older, I’ve realised how irritating and entitled Rory ends up being, which majorly puts me off rewatching.

But a thought has been circulating around and around my mind at the turning of the season. Can we truly change? Or is the very essence of who we are unchangeable?

The Scorpion and the Frog

There is an old animal fable about a Scorpion and a Frog. Its earliest appearance was in the novel ‘The German Quarter’ by Lev Nitoburg in 1930s Russia. It tells the story of how a Scorpio wants to cross a river but cannot swim. It asks a frog nearby to carry it across. The frog is hesitant at first, afraid the Scorpio will sting.

scorpion & frog by me

Song of the Newsletter <3

The scorpion argues that stinging the frog will only kill them both while crossing the river. The frog agrees eventually, and after, I’m sure, a very intense argument, the frog agrees to help the scorpion.

Midway across the river, the scorpion stings the frog. The dying frog asks the scorpion, “Why?” to which it replies, "I am sorry, but I couldn't help myself. It's my character."

Personal Encounters with the Scorpion

I met a Scorpion recently. They told me they weren’t going to ‘sting.’ (Guess what happened next!) It hurt. A lot. And I thought of this story.

Whenever anybody hurts me, I can’t help but ruminate on why. Why would they do this to me? Why would they want to hurt me? I think a lot of the time, people don’t care enough to ‘sting’ us. We are collateral damage in their path; their actions are a ripple effect.

They will tell you what you want to hear, and even though you know it’s not true. You want to believe that they won’t ‘sting’, and those usually, hurt the most.

This story has always spoken to me about the struggle of human intimacy. That people end up destroying things simply because of the way they are. Makes me wonder if love can truly change us?

Moral Compass and Emotional Intelligence

I have always had a very high moral compass, yet I have quite a high level of emotional intelligence, bred into me by my parents. Who assured me it takes strength to be a gentle soul.

I held the people closest to me in the highest regard and assumed their brains functioned in the same way mine did, which was defiantly not the case a lot of the time.

When people who are close to me do something questionable, I find it hard to believe; I always think, it’s not like them to do something like that! But sometimes, viewing people’s actions in such an almost objective way means we don’t take emotion and intent into account. I’m not trying to excuse your friend’s occasional lapse in moral judgment, (and our own) but sometimes, people become the scorpion, and not willingly either.

Interpretations of the Fable

There are different interpretations of this story, a common one is that vicious personalities cannot help but hurt others. The French Socialist Claude Passerson saw the scorpion as a metaphor for Machiavellian politicians, who delude themselves by rationalising their ill-conceived plans and lead themselves and their followers to ruin.

The psychologist Kevin Dutton saw the scorpion as a metaphor for psychopaths, whose impulsive and vicious personalities cause a multitude of avoidable trouble, often hurting the people they depend on the most, such as their families.

Orson Welles’s interpretation was that the scorpion couldn't resist its natural urge to sting, but it chose to be honest about its intentions with the frog. Orson Welles believed that this gave the scorpion a certain charm and tragic dignity.

I think for some, even though they are self-aware, change feels insurmountable, something impossible. No matter how much love is poured into them.

I agree with Orson Welle's interpretation; I think the Scorpion is trapped inside it’s self. I believe it feels it can never change into something better. I almost feel sorry for the Scorpion; I don’t believe it has any ill intent. I think it’s fighting an internal battle with itself. Yet nature always wins and some things never change.

The Trap of Self-Sabotage

People in dark places often make poor decisions, becoming self-destructive with little to no regard for others. They may not intend to be this way, but they’re so numb to the world that they find themselves drawn to cheap pleasures—momentary escapes that offer the slightest glimmer of happiness.

Anything rich and real, like the other side of the river, is too scary, and needs to be avoided at all costs. So they will hit the “detonate” button before they even get there.

We can understand why people play the Scorpion sometimes, but that doesn’t excuse their behaviour.

I think some people never change. For whatever reason, either they can’t or won’t, it’s not going to happen. You can’t will it into existence either. Some people will never be able to step outside of themselves; they will never see the ripples they create.

You have to will yourself to change, to move forward. You have to sit in discomfort, and a lot of people would rather fall back into bad habits, there’s a certain bittersweet comfort in self-sabotage.

Some are so self-aware, like the Scorpio, yet cannot change. It still perplexes me, because surely changing into something better is better than self-destructing?

The Fear of Vulnerability

To me, it’s a metaphor for self-sabotage and a fear of vulnerability, of being too afraid of forging a genuine connection, of travelling to a place where we feel completely safe and happy. To be vulnerable is to strip ourselves bare before prying eyes— a pretty terrifying thought. For many, the potential of being hurt feels overwhelming, and so, like the Scorpion, we often sting first to avoid the risk.

In a delusional way, this makes the most sense; nature made it that way. What other choice does it have when this is all it has ever known?

“To Live is to be Vulnerable. To love is to fear.” - Marina Dyachenko

I think we put limits on ourselves like the Scorpio, and blame it on the world around us. We erect towering glass ceilings in our minds, and we convince ourselves we haven’t got the strength or capacity to climb them.

The Evolution of Nature and Change

I think change is possible. We evolved ourselves, constantly shifting and changing over millions of years. No matter how long it took, nature perfected us for six million years. We transformed and evolved into something better suited to our environment. What’s to say we can’t do that again?

There is a harsh balance of prey and predator. Nature equips animals with tools and ways to protect themselves and multiply. Some seem cruel, like the Braconid wasp. This wasp targets and parasitises caterpillars. Some species inject their eggs into the caterpillar; the larvae then feed on it, usually while it’s still alive, disturbly emerging from the inside out like that scene from ‘Alien.’ *shivers

There is a fine balance; everything falls seamlessly into place in this harrowingly beautiful collection of ecosystems. I do wonder if we can change after all. Or are we destined, predisposed by human nature itself, to never change? Just like the Scorpion.

I wonder if the Scorpion ever carried the frog without stinging, however, I think we just need to find someone that doesn’t sting.

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